I’m going to say ten years ago, I had a weird fuzziness in part of my eye. It was like a hair on my lens making everything I looked at out-of-focus. I could see to navigate but often held my head or eye at an angle to try to read through a clear portion of my field of view. Closing the eye didn’t help and it didn’t feel like something was physically touching my eye. After half an hour it would go away for days or weeks or months or several years now. I can’t remember the last time I had the problem but I did have it often enough to start recording when it happened and how I felt. Those notes are gone. It was annoying but strangely not terrifying. Was I just fatalistic, resigned?
I don’t think the next condition I had was at exactly the same time but the two overlapped. This condition started, I think, during a bout of food poisoning. between races to the toilet, I would relax and fall asleep. The dream would get weird and very realistic and I felt strong dejavu. Then my stomach would tighten and I would awaken trying to remember the dream.
But trying to remember also seemed like a trigger. For the next few years, I would be daydreaming and sometimes my train of thought would take me to a buried memory and as I tried to recall it, suddenly my stoamch would cramp, I would feel weak and have trouble standing – just too tired. Then it would go away. I would get maybe five episodes over a day or a day and half and those episodes would start very intense but fade. I distinctly remember two things. 1) being afraid to remember something for fear it would trigger another attack and 2) trying to remember the scene or event that tantalized just before the attack.
I think the last attack was a year ago, while at a sports camp.
Sometimes, I was unusually tired or sick when either of these attacks occured but for some of them I can’t think of any specific trigger. I don’t recall having both things happen at the same time.
I think the descriptions I gave above are vague and a little scary and I have never been able to make them clearer. The frequency was just too low for me to note any connections between them.
I’m feeling pretty good these days, aside from the entirely understandable pain and stiffness in my legs from all the running. I am eleven kg lighter than last year now. From around 2000 to 2013 or 2014, I was over 90kg and maxed out at 95._kg in the winter of 2014. Could being slimmer and healthier be the difference?
Well, I now wear progressive lens glasses, with the top third being for long distance and the bottom bit for closeups so age is still taking its toll on me.